i think i'm two ticks off
from everything i said i wouldn't be
and one sigh short
of contradicting all of me

cause on that last breath
i think that i caught sight of myself
and i can't believe i'd show this "me" someone else

and survey says its easier
to keep your friends when leaving the
excess baggage out
from the average conversations
and that
confidence can kill
the curiosity
that kills
you with
the what ifs
the whys the whens and what could have beens
what the fuck have i been doing!?!

i that it's time
to take the first steps in my life
and grab for what's in front of me what's in front of me
cause i realize
i've been beside my self for all this time
and i don't make the best of company

i...
have stood too long for sitting on the sidelines
watching idly as the opportunities just
pass me by
ashamed and scared of all that i've become
and though that once was fine
it's not tonight

and it will never be again
that's what ive come to decide

it feels just like
the morning when the mourning period dies
and i'm no fan of funerals
but i won't take my leave
til i pay quick respects to me
rest in peace
cause i can't keep on living in "what used to be"
but if there's anything i've learned through this it's
feeling worthless isn't worth it
and measuring my self esteem
is easier when weighed by me
and

what it is i deem
to be the epitome
of what it is for me
for now and what will be
and what i can't believe
is the time lost chasing a lost cause
praying for the day that i can shake it off

but its not as easy as
you wave a hand
and just like that
you're miles away
from everything that possibly could make you feel bad
but at this current rate
i'll never leave my current state
so let me be the first to say
that I

I don't like this

i...
have stood too long for sitting on the sidelines
watching idly as the opportunities just
pass me by
ashamed and scared of all that i've become
and though that once was fine
it's not tonight

i think it's finally safe to say
its finally safe to leave this place
i've hit the bottom i can only go the other way
so i wont hold my breath
in hopes that there is "something left"
i'll show myself the fucking door
and when i leave
i'm leaving it all

i...
have stood too long for sitting on the sidelines
watching idly as the opportunities just
pass me by
ashamed and scared of all that i've become
and though that once was fine
it's not tonight